My husband and I were mistreated by our pastor, and we witnessed his mistreatment of others. In a leadership meeting one evening the senior pastor embarrassingly interrupted an associate who was sharing his excitement about an upcoming event. Another associate walked past me during a church fellowship and blurted out his frustration with the pastor. On another occasion, a different associate was sarcastically corrected during Sunday morning service by the pastor.
My husband, a board member, was ignored and overlooked by the pastor on many occasions. I cannot speak for the others who were mistreated, but in our case it was hurtful. I hurt for my husband who does his best to live a moral life yet felt he wasn't valued by someone he looked up to and respected.
At first mistreatment is a shock because we expect the people in leadership to be loving and tender, as Jesus was. It's hard to be in church excited to save souls yet sidetracked by this kind of behavior. When mistreatment occurs, respect is lost and the kingdom of God suffers. Thank you! Thank you for the article. I am going through something similar. I have a female pastor. We just started attending a few months ago.
I have had 2 dreams of her where her heart is harbouring bitterness and I felt strongly to meet with her to clear the air. I messaged her and asked if she would be free to get together for coffee in the next couple weeks. How can I proceed with this? Does God perhaps not want me to meet with her and just pray for her instead?
HI Roxanne: Thank you for reading my blog and responding with a comment. Biblically, if your pastor has something against you it is her obligation to come to you and clear it up. My suggestion is that you take the advice in the article and write her a nice note, telling her you are praying for her nothing more and hand deliver it with a smile.
Seriously, as you pray for her, and all that she may be going through in her role as a pastor, your heart toward her will most likely change and your suspicions or feelings of uneasiness around her may dissolve into love, grace, and understanding toward her. Prayer always softens our hearts…and the hearts of others…so yes, pray for her. And in that case, your prayers for her will strengthen you, as well.
Thank you so much for your article. I have been on the leadership board for years and recently resigned. I resigned after pastor made comment about needing younger people to get involved and be part of leadership in church.
The pastor never visits with me, when I approach him, he darts off in the other direction. Several members have said that he talks negatively about people.
I have heard him when he is angry with someone. I feel like I need to visit with him, but cannot trust him not to talk to others about me. I have given this burden to God and I trust Him to take care of situation. Thank you for your comment. Thank you, Debra, for sharing this burden on your heart. When we begin to exalt pastors, we quickly find they are humans, in need of a Savior, just like all of us.
Thanks for sharing your heart. I wish to wake up to a positive change in my life, I have been rejected and isolated for 3years now to a point whereby I would feel like I am loosing my way. Before me others are addressed in a loving manner whereas when it comes to me, not even a bit of tolerance do they have. At one point I felt like I am a demon of some sort because of the treatment I received from the parents who once loved and trusted me.
Thank you, Priscilla, for your comment. My prayer for you today is that God will wrap you in His arms and show you that your affirmation, validation, and acceptance comes from who you are in HIS eyes.
Help her to seek Your approval alone and fill her with the strength, peace, and joy that comes through an intimate relationship with You. Please bring a friend alongside her at her church who will help her keep her focus on You and yet be an encouragement to her when she feels alone. Am truly grateful.. God grow you in a dynamic way and bless you in all areas of your life. Any thoughts,? Its a real bummer to me, so now Im looking into another part of that country would rather not mention it, to be anonymous here.
I think your question would best be asked of that particular pastor. In the churches where my husband has been the senior pastor, he had a policy of not placing anyone in leadership unless they were trained and committed to the church through membership, accountabilty, etc. In the case of service, he was also careful, just as a means of protecting his flock. So, although churches are often looking for people to serve, a wise pastor will be cautious in whom he allows to serve in certain areas out of a protection of the people God has put in His care.
Those are my honest thoughts. I hope that helps. Thank you for your words of wisdom, Cindi! It is comforting to know others have dealt with these things before. I have a history of idolizing and being overly critical of my pastor interesting how both can co-exist in the same heart! Even though I have repented of this, I fear that I may have done irreparable damage to the relationship. I must remember that I am not serving to please man but to please God.
I so much want things to go back to how they were before I put my pastor on a pedestal, but no matter what I do, it seems out of reach. Part of me is hesitant to say anything because of his discomfort in the past, and another part of me is thinking this might be a healing moment.
I really do not know what to do yet, but I do know that God promises us wisdom whenever we ask! I would keep it casual, yet sincere. He is probably on guard simply because you are single and, he is just trying to be careful and conduct himself above reproach.
I am not talking about sunday mornings for example. In fact, there have been times where I had a scheduled meeting with him, and he stood me up. No call no show. NO, I do not belong to a big church either. My faith dangles on a thin and weak string. My relationship with God before joining this church, well lets just say that it was not hunky dorry. In truth, I was a Satanist. I let myself be influenced to come back to Christ, and at the time I THOUGHT I had made my pastor aware of this as at no time did I conceal or omit any info about my anger with God and the fact that I did things out of shear defiance to convey that anger to God.
Yet in my open minded nature, I went back to church. I am sorry I did now. YES, there were times the pastor was there. But it seems like when I am really in a bad way, hes coaching basket ball. I think I get the message, and know what I must do. There is never an excuse for anyone pastor or not to stand someone up and not follow up with an apology or explanation and desire to reschedule. However, it also saddens me that you are letting the actions of a person determine what you think about God.
We are ALL sinners, and therefore imperfect and many times just plain messed up. Pastors are people who are accountable to God for how they shepherd His flock. And a wise person, believer or unbeliever, will not base his impression of God on the actions of people.
The only perfect and worthy representation of God was Jesus Christ, who walked this earth blamelessly and showed us what complete obedience and surrender to God looked like, right up to His death on a cross. Yet we are all, as I mentioned, sinners saved by grace. I do hope you will look beyond the disappointing things you have seen and experienced from followers of Christ and see God for who His Word says He is. Satan is a liar and he will deceive us and make us believe that we should look to people for a proper image of the Everlasting God.
And then Satan laughs when we see disappointing, and erroneous examples of who God is through people who claim to follow Him. But truth is found in the person and character of Christ, as seen in the Bible. I hope you will direct your gaze toward Jesus. I have been attending what i call my church for more than a year and my Pastor has never had more to say than hi or how are you.
I attend alot of things at church, casual and formal. I notice he has regular talks with others but not with me even if the opportunity is apparent. I have encouraged him in a number of ways, notes, cards, gift cards etc. Without question he avoids conversation with me. I have no idea what might have caused this feeling. Not making this up. I am probably going to leave and will write a letter and thank him for all the spiritual growth i have recieved. I simply hurt to much to stay.
I am afraid i might say something to a member and that would not be good. Peter, thank you for taking the time to write out your concern. He is just a man. Keep your eyes on Christ and serving others. That is why we attend a church…not for what the pastor or others will do for us, but for how we can connect with the body of Christ to use our gifts, serve one another, and glorify God.
God is not glorified when we and I include myself and many American Christians in this statement look at church or our pastor for how they can meet OUR needs.
Following Christ is about picking up our cross, dying to ourselves and our needs and desires and unconditionally loving and serving others. I hope this helps to encourage you and keep your focus. I recently lost my father and wanted to talk to my pastor. He kept saying he is very busy and everyone keeps wanting something from him. He cannot get away from the constant requests unless he leaves the city we are in.
I felt he is too much into himself and his family to care for anyone else. I feel he does not care. I am so very disappointed in his lack of care and only taking about himself and his lack of time off even though he has been on two vacations in the last two months. Is this normal behaviour for a minister? My stepson feels like he has been called in ministry.
We have asked the pastor to meet with him and he did in the past and said he would start letting him read scriptures before service. That was a year ago and still nothing. Just recently we asked if he would meet with my stepson and his wife and they were told yes but they were extremely busy……2 weeks later still extremely busy. Also, when you text the pastor his wife seems to be the one with all the answers. I feel like our pastor is not be lead by God but rather by his wife. Would you remain in this church?
We have attended for 8 years. My answer to your question is: I would remain in a church until the Word of God is no longer preached or obeyed. There have been times when my husband was a senior pastor that he did not have the mental or emotional energy to respond to all that was requested of him and I stepped in to ease the misunderstandings of people or to assure them not to take it personally.
Your pastor is often expected to be the jack of all trades and most likely he or she is not. Your pastor is simply a person called by God to shepherd a flock, but is probably expected to do a whole lot more that his board of elders or deacons or congregation expects of him, too. It is in our human nature to enter church with the expectation of how we will be greeted, treated, and spiritually fed. I guarantee it will go a long way in improving whatever is going on — or not going on — between the two of you.
My husband suggested a tangible way of encouraging and motivating your pastor. The next time you come into church hand your pastor a folded, brief hand-written note of encouragement and, as you hand it to him, say, "This is some encouragement for you today.
If you do that, chances are he will respond differently the next time he sees you. Encouragement is in short supply these days — especially for a pastor. For more on her ministry or free resources to strengthen your soul, marriage , parenting, or individual walk with God, see her website: www. Yes, they pray for wisdom and guidance daily. But at the end of the day, no Pastor is omniscient. They are fellow journeyers with us, following Christ and learning along the way.
A Lead Pastor is simply a fellow broken human called by God to lead other broken humans with His help. Suite Houston, TX Values-Based Businesses. Family Offices. Customer Stories. About Us. Contact Us. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy. Solutions Executive Search Find your key staff with our premier executive search solution, tailored to meet your needs.
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